The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize