Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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