Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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