glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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