through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize