The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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