i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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