Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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