I want to make a zoo with you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize