You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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