He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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