Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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