Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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