My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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