Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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