Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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