Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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