K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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