I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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