Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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