I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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