i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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