That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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