Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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