I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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