the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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