How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I touched a dick in church today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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