Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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