i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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