So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize