If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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