You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this hospital has no fireball
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize