the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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