he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize