We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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