I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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