So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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