Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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