I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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