he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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