I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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