did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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