Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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