Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found the puke drawer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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