I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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