dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize