before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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