Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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