I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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