after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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